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Baker's Got a Brand New Bag

Monday, February 18, 2008


You know how, when you've had a dog or cat for a few years, they have these things that they do? The kind of things that, when you have guests over, you realize are just flat-out strange, and you hear yourself saying things like, "When Chet hears me tearing something, he thinks it's for him?" and then you hand your dog a Wheaties box that you were about to put in the burn bin, and he grabs it and trots into the living room and shreds it into itty bitty pieces, and your guest thinks, "What the hell is this woman doing with this dog? Why would anyone want to pick up 565 shards of a cardboard box spread all over the living room carpet?" and then maybe your guest is bold enough to ask, "Why do you do that?" and you find yourself thinking, "Why am I doing this?" and the answer you should give your nosy guest is: "I know. I am insane. I am seeking therapy. But until then, I let my dog strew bits of cardboard all over my living room rug. It doesn't make sense, does it? (giggle)...."But what comes out of your mouth is simply, "Because Chet Baker likes to tear up boxes!" and that is when you know you are rapidly headed for Crazy Old Dog Lady status. At that point you might as well get about 17 more Boston terriers and let them poop wherever they like and just spread newspapers all over your floors about six layers deep instead of carpet and you should take your guest by the arm and tell her the idiosyncrasies of each of your 18 Boston terriers until her eyes roll back in her head and she backs slowly out the door, then turns and runs.I have processed this Wheaties box for you. It is no longer a danger to you. My fondest wish is that you would give me a full one someday. It would not be that much messier.

Does anyone read their Edward Jones prospectus when it comes in the mail? You do? Woo. I don't. I hand it to my dog, lest any useful financial information impinge on the endless merry-go-round of largely useless biological trivia whirling in my head.

So now it's not just cereal and cracker boxes but junk mail that gets shredded. Since this had staples I stood over him and eventually took it away before he got that far. He probably got more out of it than I would if I tried to read it. In fact, I'm putting Chet Baker in charge of my investments.

So, anyone got a Boston terrier for me? I need a couple of dozen more, because at this point my house is still marginally livable.

I am joking, of course. Please, do not send me Boston terriers. One is more than enough.

28 comments:

Is it just paper products he's into?
I'm afraid to give our dog (giant schnauzer) something to chew other than his rawhide--I'd be afraid I'd walk downstairs one morning to find the kitchen table in splinters all over the room!

I'd guess the pick-up job is worth the look on Baker's face when he's finished!

Our dog loves paper too! She steals empty boxes. In fact she has been known to steal a box of tea, shred the box in to confetti and leave the tea bags untouched! She trots with us to get the mail and see what came for her (aka junk mail). Totally a huge mess, but worth it for the look of doggy-bliss on that face.

Wheaties - breakfast of champions!

You should submit the pics to the Wheaties cerial people and maybe they will put him on the cover.

My Bostons get cereal boxes, paper shopping bags (their fave), paper towel rolls - and the list goes on and on. I feel like this, they have fun, I get to do some stretching exercises on my hands and knees while they nap after the party.

You KNOW how much I enjoyed this. Wiping tears from my eyes...

Does Chet growl too during this destructive process or only if you try to take it away from him? Your pictures really capture the intensity coming from his sleek little B&W body.

Thank God. Somebody else who gives boxes and junk mail to the dog. I felt so alone. And now I feel, well, like part of a community of crazy old Dog Ladies. Whee! Shall we wear matching hats?

Chet doesn't growl, Ruthie, though I'm sure he would if I did anything other than smile fondly down at him. When he's all done Bill and I survey the mess and say, "That's YOUR dog. Clean up after him."

Mare: Baker's favorite toy of all is the brown paper bag from 50 lb. of cracked corn. He romps all over the yard, shaking it ferociously. Indoor substitute is a paper shopping bag. Bostons LOVE things that make a lot of noise.

Chet sure is feelin' his Wheaties!

We used to have a rabbit named Hazel who loved to chew paper. One day, nuzzled her way into Bill's book bag and start whipping out pages of a script he was working on. She would whip her head around and use most of her body to work each sheet out and nibble the corner. I guess it's safe to say she did not approve of his writing.

I just love the mental image of Chet racing around the yard with a feed bag three times his size. Hilarious !

Oh memories. Our Boston used to scratch at the bathroom door when she heard the toilet paper roll holder squeak.... she knew we would come out with an "empty" and all doggy he## would break loose with that beloved little brown paper tube...
And yes, the clean-ups were good excercise... for us...

(*If anyone sends you a spare Boston, send it our way, we still miss ours WAY too much...)

You could take the staple out first...just a thought.

Oh, and Tucker the Wonder Kitty shredded cardboard boxes. Corrugated bits everywhere, everywhere. He got this gleam in his eye, it was some serious business.

Chet Baker . . . AKA The Shredder!

Ooh, can I send you my junk mail? That way I'll Reduce my mail, Chet can Reuse it, and you can Recycle it. Works for me! (love the word verification for this comment: uhfug :)

Those huge, plastic lawn & leaf bags aren't something we give dogs but when Chloe was young, she snatched one outside that we had just opened and took off running at top speed (about 50 mph?). The bag opened like a parachute and she keep going, wild with excitement. The bag was ten times her size. Neighbors came out to watch her fly. One of the best laughs of the year, that day :o) (Pre-digital camera days)

LOL!!!! and that proud, accomplished look on Chet's face :-)
...but you have nothing over me JZ -- long ago I allowed a pet cockatoo to chew up the walls of a mobile home I was living in at the time... ohhhh, the attempted explanations, when I went to sell that trailer.....

Ah, parrots. When they take a notion to chew, the results tend not to be reversible. Charles needs supervision when he's on walkabout. You never know when he might decide to enlarge a cabinet or drawer. He has only chewed an electrical cord once. Pop! WAAK! from behind the couch, and he hurried out, never to approach one again.

I'm in the market for a portable shredder. Perhaps my local Staples carries the same model you use ...

OMG, I think I *am* one of those crazy cat ladies. HELP ME!

Loved this one!! Baker is such a hoot! (you too!)

Hugs!

OMG, I think I *am* one of those crazy cat ladies. HELP ME!

Loved this one!! Baker is such a hoot! (you too!)

Hugs!

One of our kitties loves to chew paper and cardboard, so she gets all the paper products including junkmail.

Can Baker do my financial planning as well?

Love the look on his puss!!

My very first springer spaniel, Meagan, used to shred newspaper while I was at work. One day she started in on a Chuck Mangione album before I caught her in the act. Thirty-some years later I still get a lump in my throat when I see that album.

I could never use those wonderful pee-pee pads they tout for puppy house training as my Boston Terriers loved to shred them...always missing the above mentioned intended use by a mile! I must however take exception to your parting sentence though...one Boston Terrier is NEVER enough!

Nellie is into those flimsy plastic pots that nursery plants come in. She runs amok in the yard, holding one in her mouth (and it's usually over her eyes, too) and flips them and pulls on them until they are small pieces that get chopped up in the lawn mower.
So I am maybe a quasi-Crazy Dog Lady. At least I don't let her do it in the HOUSE. Ahem.

:)

He is just starting the recycling proscess as he has endless energy to put to the rask.

Chew on Baker.

I had a boxer a dozen years ago that felt it was her duty to save me from egg cartons. Bless her heart.

Niblet is quite efficient at handling my junk mail and other paper/cardboard items!

LOL!!! That dog cracks me up!! Especially loved the attack terrier! Love your commentary! Puts a smile on my face every time ~:b In fact, I just pulled out your book Letters from Eden to reread again now that the days have gone gray and winter is coming along...Thx Julie!

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