Requiem for a Blue Jay

Even seven years out from the Saving Jemima year of 2017,  

the year I looked so hard at blue jays I nearly became one,

I am still looking at jays

 the way jays look at jays, searching their faces for distinguishing marks

Building galleries of dated images, to what end I'm not sure

Except that I need know each one for who it is.

You might not believe I have spent the entire day going through my photos,

matching face to face over the months they've been here

Aging and trying to sex the birds,

so I can recognize each one at a glance.

Hyperfixated, my kids would say.

OK, go ahead, label me, box me up.

I am well aware I'm not like the others.

I need to know more, need to know who.

You never know. Something might happen.

The part of loving blue jays that I don't recommend

is the sudden squawk explosion

the gravelly rasp they give when the hawk dives in

Shuffle of wings and cartwheel motion

as a small band bursts outward

from a sharpshin supernova.

Then, the rhythmic cries, 

strident first, with outrage then

passing through each color: fear to anguish

Into futility, then surrender

Crying, crying still, minute on minute

Unseen, talon-pinned beneath the briars

Slowing, then ceasing

The jay's life ebbing as it's

reduced to simple substance:

feather, meat, and bone.

A friend and neighbor, slowly

torn into small chunks

turned into food

packing the crop of a quick young sharpshin.

At my desk, now watch and wait.

Their daily peanuts sit untouched

The band of seven, too shocked to fly

Too rattled to eat.

I will know the victim only by its absence.

In days to come I'll study every face

Skeetles and Messi

Blobby Blue, Spangles

Taking the grim roll call of my teachers.

This afternoon I'll push through the brambles

edge along the north slope

Where the little blue Piper went down

Looking for the feather splash

For clues amidst strewn wreckage

The scrap of flesh, the drop of blood

And the little black box of knowing.

*Skeetles, 22 Dec. 2024

*Messi, 27 Dec. 2024

*Spangles, 13 Dec. 2024

*Blobby Blue, 7 Dec. 2024 

(Blobby always licks their bill after drinking)

Unidentified, 25 December 2024

*All four jays pictured reported to the yard today, December 27, 2024