Scenes from a Wedding

I had the privilege of attending my niece Claire's wedding to her love Cam last weekend. Took my kids and drove all day, over the mountains and down down down to almost sea level, on the coastal plain of Maryland, to the beautiful home of Cam's parents, the perfect setting along the Severn River.

Rehearsal dinner Friday night featured three crates of enormous blue crabs, freshly steamed. I learned from Cam's lovely stepmother how to pick a crab. My brother wasn't so keen on separating all that crustacean anatomy, so I kept filling a little bowl of melted butter with lumps of crabmeat, and Bob obligingly devoured it with his blue fork. To my left, my four-year-old grand-niece Amy was begging like a baby bird for crab, so I was poking sweet crabmeat in her mouth, too. Anyone who knows me knows I love to feed critters and people, so these were commensal relationships. I probably picked 15 crabs. Tore my fingers and thumbs up something awful. Crab claws and shells are sharp, and Old Bay stings. But I didn't mind. Didn't get a single speck on my new shirt, perhaps the biggest feat of all.

Bob was to sing a song and accompany my nephew Evan on guitar. He had to keep his strength up.

The music was delightful, wafting on a summer breeze.

 

 

 I love my family. I felt lucky just to be there, to see them all. They are all such good people. Solid, kind, self-effacing, mutually supportive, and good. I don't get to see them nearly enough. Weddings are a great blessing, bringing us all together.

And weddings are interesting, beautiful, and in many ways strange to me. They're a mix of ancient ritual and new preferences. Many of us feel the need to break out of the iron box of tradition and change it up, so we don't feel we're doing what everyone before us has done. That's what I find interesting: what parts of the ritual we choose to keep, and what we leave behind. It all matters a lot to those of us who are planning the ceremony. In the end, though, the ceremony is simply how we enter that binding legal agreement, one that's the same for everyone, and one I've been thinking about a lot.

It's nice when the weather cooperates, and the sheets of rain, thunder and lightning that haunt our dreams for months beforehand fail to show up. This one in Arnold, Maryland, had some pretty intense heat, but there was a breeze and all would be well. It was a fine hot summer day, and there were around 200 people gathered to witness. I liked watching people arriving, making their way down the sloping green to the shady spot where the ceremony would take place.

When I go to family weddings, I like to take my big lens and make myself useful shooting photos. Maybe I can capture some moments that the professional photographers didn't snag. I try, anyway. I need to occupy myself, like a border collie finding a job that feels meaningful. It's a pure pleasure when the setting, the light, and the people all conspire in beauty.

My sister Nancy and brother-in-law Larry both walked Claire down the green. I loved that. There was no "giving Claire away." Just welcoming Cam in.

 

Cam waits while his folks make their way down.

 

Our gracious and generous hosts, Tommy and Renee.

Ringbearers,  Charlie and Ben. They executed their job perfectly, Charlie gently leading his cousin Ben.

 

It got interesting with the flower girls. Just before they were to come down the aisle, we heard a loud wail. Then beheld this spectacle:

 

 It had to do with one basket being bigger than the other. Cait, on the left, noted that Amy had the bigger flower basket, and no explanation that Amy was older so would get the bigger basket was going to placate her. Nancy didn't want to reward Cait's howl with the bigger basket, but it quickly became clear that nothing good was going to happen, at least not in the next hour or so, unless Cait got her way. 

Toddlers are finely tuned to look for and root out inequity wherever it occurs. They watch each other and the adults around them like young raptors, making sure that everyone gets the same treatment. Any whiff of favoritism, somebody getting one more noodle or a bigger scoop of ice cream than you got, and there's a loud wail queued up and instantly deployed. Equity, and its relentless pursuit, is one of the most important concepts in a small child's world. And if you think about this in a sociobiological way, it makes perfect sense. If your parents are hunting and gathering, and food supply is intermittent and iffy, and you sense that you're getting the short end of the stick, you might not make it to the next encampment. They might be phasing you out as one more than they can realistically feed. So you put up a howl. You make your need impossible to ignore.

 At the last minute, Nancy apologetically explained things to Amy, and asked Amy to give up her big basket so Cait would walk down the green at all. You can see it in Amy's stoic mien. Great. I get the small basket just so she won't wail! And Cait's all, I got the big basket, so I'm not gonna cry any more, but I still feel bruised. And where's my mom when I need her? Wearing a pink dress and several hundred yards away, that's where she is.

 

  Pretty soon Amy-with-the-small-basket outpaced Cait, and she tromped determinedly straight to the altar, head down, not strewing any flowers from her basket.  Just getting the job done. I'm taking this puny basket of flowers down front. 

 

 

Furious was never more adorable. 

When her dad gently suggested Cait distribute some flowers on her way down, there was resistance. All in all, the mini-drama was tough for the girls and their folks, but awfully fun to watch, knowing how small girls think about such things, and why. Had they tiptoed down strewing hydrangea flowers and smiling, it would have been sweet, but not nearly as memorable. This mini-drama was food for thought.

 

I thought about the ospreys in their nest just off the dock; the way young ospreys peck, sometimes viciously, at each other, trying to command the food supply. Very young humans are not so different. They are much closer to our origins, the predictable behavior some might label "spoiled" clearly linked to the fight to survive at all costs. Their mission is to get the full parental attention they crave, and they are very, very good at it. As Nancy said later, "Who ever thought that having two different sized baskets was going to work?" Snort!

 

Flower girls' passage completed, we got to watch Nan and Larry's beautiful daughters make their way to the shady spot by the river, to wait for their sister Claire.

Amy's mom has got it goin' on!

 

And so does Cait's! Sometimes we Zick sisters sit around and try to figure out how we managed to make kids who look like movie stars. Alchemy, we conclude. 

Here comes the groom!

 

Cam is a professional sailor. Winning races or getting sailboats where they need to go--he's the guy who can do it. I cannot even imagine what this man knows about the sea and wind and how to handle boats.

 

I was so busy shooting handsome Cam watching his bride come down the aisle that I almost missed the moment that Claire swept down the hill, flanked by her parents.  They were upon me before I knew it, and I had to quickly switch to my iPhone to capture this shot.   

As the wedding photography pro's shot it. I couldn't resist showing you this one because everyone looks so fabulous!

photo by Jenn Manor Photo, lifted off Instagram.

 

 A spontaneous hug from Nancy just before the service. 

 Claire and Cam's adorable, sweet, smart, cool dog Sirius was part of the ceremony, too. I imagine his last name is Black. He is the blackest, slickest, sweetest gemmun! Many were smitten, including me! He wandered about off-lead most of the day, meeting and greeting, like a good dog will. Channeling someone we remember with fondness, and doing it beautifully.

Since this is a massive post that has taken days to edit, write and put together, I'm going to split it into two parts. Spoiler alert: In the next post, Claire and Cam say I Do, and little girls run around.  :)

A Zickefoose Wedding

Of all the rituals we humans carry out, weddings, I think, are the loveliest. Weddings are about promise and hope, about looking forward and believing the best of each other. Weddings celebrate the leap of faith we take when we mingle our fortunes with those of another, for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.

Holly and Josh, July 2, 2017

It's no small thing, this making of promises, and we assemble everyone we love around us to witness as we put on ritual costumes and gather ourselves for the big leap. When I'm sitting in a wedding crowd, I scan the people around me as the vows are said, wondering what thoughts are rushing through their minds. For no one can hear two young people take those vows and not think about how those weighty, until-death-do-us-part promises have manifested, or will manifest, in their own lives. I find the whole thing fascinating, bemusing, affecting. But if I ever was, I'm not a wedding weeper now. I just settle back and dig the scene, the slight individual variations on this constant theme of everlasting promise and hope.

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My beloved brother Bob Zickefoose and his wife Bonnie were celebrating the union of their daughter Holly with Josh this magical day at the Irvine Estate and House Mountain Inn in Lexington, Virginia. What a place to hold a wedding!! The day was soft and warm, the evening was deliriously cool, dry and beautiful, and a fresh breeze was blowing across the patio and dance floor.

The view went on and on. 

There was no place else you'd want to be, and that's saying something.

All afternoon, I had the immense privilege of watching my three nieces and nephews-in-law wrangle their adorable babies. I was humbled and nostalgic as I witnessed their everyday, every-moment feats of good parenting. To be a toddler's parent is to subjugate oneself to the needs of an often irrational, always adorable small small human.  Here, Christy with Ben.

Josh (my niece Katie's husband) with Simon. 

Melting yet?

Cate (Ben's big sister) watches Max and Will break-dancing, flinging their legs around and under their anchoring hands in a mad buzz-saw circle. Cate, I'm with ya, girl. No doin' the coffee grinder for me, hell to the nope. 

Liam shows how you dance with a baby in a convenient sling. 

I absolutely adore this shot, for its unposed beauty, for the interaction between my niece Courtney and her sweet Charlie; Charlie's dad Tyler leaning in; the smile passing between Cam and Courtney's wee daughter Amy; the smile on my niece Clare's face.  Wow. Hold an iPhone up over your head so you can't even see what you're getting, and see what you get. Sometimes you get a painting.

My sister Nancy boogies with Claire, Cate and Amy. Nancy was not ready to go back to the hotel at 10:30 pm. I love that about her, love watching her get those little girls shaking. 

There were little girls in dresses everywhere I looked. That alone would get me up that mountain.

There would be a few tears, but only a few. There was too much fun to be had!

Cate (Christy and Will's wee girleen) was being noncompliant; not exactly bad but not real good; setting off on her own despite her parents' spoken admonitions. I followed, just to be safe. Finally she turned around to head back to her folks and gave me my favorite shot of the trip.  Fairies are real!!

Yep, I'm bad. But nobody minds. I'm good at it.

 My date for the event was tall, blonde and handsome. I'd waited 17 years for him.

He was worth the wait.

Come over here and let me get your eyes against that smoky Blue Ridge. O beautiful boy!

I could hear the Seldom Scene's sweet tenor harmonies in my head. Blue Ridge...Do you call to all your children like you've been calling me? Blue Ridge...Why are you calling me home?

Ahh, now that makes me weep. Do click on the link. Listen to Jonathan Edwards' and John Duffy's voices fly across the mountains! Let it keep playing for "Wait a Minute." Oh my gosh. Good bluegrass...gets me in the rootsy feels.

Because I am the Science Chimp, it was only  a few minutes before I was summoned in to identify a large moth that had found its way into the dining hall. 

Polyphemus! Huge batty miracle of the Appalachian night. Oh!

I carried it outside--it was like carrying a cool, mechanically flapping bird--and released it. After a few false starts, it warmed its flying muscles sufficiently to rise into the air and circle against the Blue Ridge landscape during the wedding ceremony! Something beautiful, released and joyous. No metaphors there, nope.

And sharp-eyed Max found the first regal moth I'd ever seen under a railing outside, and ran to find me. ZOMG. The little child shall lead us. Woot!!! Bear in mind this thing is about 5" long. 

Well, to be precise, I'd seen a regal moth, but not wearing this fabulous King Clown outfit.

You may recall its weiner-sized caterpillar, the Hickory Horned Devil, from a previous blogpost. 

Click on that link, and you'll get the whole life story of the regal moth, as well as a 2010 vintage pic of the family pickin' pawpaws! It's a classic.

Ooga booga booga! his only defense

Being Science Chimp 1 and Science Chimp 2, Liam and I had to sneak off before dinner and find some wild food. 

Around the edge of the property, wineberries (Rubus phoenicolasius), native to Asia, were competing with native black raspberries (above) for space, and mostly winning.

Exotic or not, the wineberries were absolutely delicious.

Seeing my son in dress clothes slowly reaching through the thorny tangle for berries to feed his skirt-bound mama did a lot for me. Let me just say that skirts and dresses are USELESS. You can't do anything in them. Ugh. I will wear them for a few hours when required. Then it's back to the sturdy boots, pants and socks, which take me through the vegetation unscratched.

These things are GOOD!! Somebody said he looks like Malfoy here. Well he may, but there's not a cruel or evil bone in this boy's body.

Wineberries: for better or for worse, they're definitely winning here. We ate them all ourselves. Yep, we did. And we didn't feel guilty, well not very, because the food we were about to get was so darned delicious. 

But I'm getting ahead of myself. We were here not for giant moths, delicious food, or dancing fairies. We were here for Holly and Josh's wedding!

My brother Bob Zickefoose emerges with the bride.

And Josh walks her back into the hall. Everything is changed from this day forward.

And just before that magic moment and a lovely ceremony, Bob's son Aaron and son-in-law Josh K. played and sang some Beatles and Chet Atkins tunes. It was home-made music and it was wonderful to hear "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" and "I'll Follow the Sun" in this setting. And then my brother Bob sang a special song for the couple. I believe he borrowed the voice of an angel for the occasion. My updated iPhone always crashes now when I launch the Video function, so I missed the intro.

Bob and our sister Dancin' Nancy. 

Bob played the 1964 vintage Guild he bought when he was Liam's age. It's the only guitar he's ever owned, the only one he says he's ever needed. The fretboard is deeply grooved with use. Three stout screws and some glue hold the long-broken head together. Five more screws keep the bridge one with the guitar's cracked body. But it still keeps true. And true is what my brother is, in word, voice and deed. 

Father-daughter dance.

Late night cousin dances

The five Zickefooses. Barbara, Nancy, Micky, Bob, and me. How lucky can you get, to have such people in your corner?

I made this post for my family, but for you, too, because it was all too beautiful not to share. Here's to new beginnings and children well-raised!