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Showing posts with label Curtis Loew. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Curtis Loew. Show all posts

Curtis Loew

Sunday, September 14, 2025

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You looked into my eyes, came forward

Pressed your forehead into my breastbone and 

the world went still and fell away

And with it, any doubt that

You were coming home with me.

You stood on my bag so I couldn't leave the shelter without you.
You also used the full power of mind control.
Feburary 19, 2019, CHA Animal Shelter, Columbus


You'd been chained near Gallipolis

the first four years of your life

and when you got loose, you chased four-wheelers

Fought with other dogs, ran like a deer.


No chains from now on. Not even a leash. 

Curtis, you won the lotto. But. 

If you wanted your freedom

you had to come home. That was the deal. 

I had to trust you. You had to come home.


First a bell, then a tracker, and we settled in. My hair went gray.

Three hours was my limit. Sometimes, five. 

And then I'd suit up and come find you, sometimes hurt, always sore

But living the life you deserved and most wanted, at last.






A leaner, a hugger, a wagger

Deeply loving, never overbearing

Clean and quiet, barking only on the chase.

Not much for toys, you played with rabbits, coons, 

and once a bobcat, who raked your side and drenched you in piss.

One year, you grabbed four skunks, perfecting your hold.



I gave you these woods, these fields

Good food, warm beds. You led us through grief


with your solid body and velvet ears,

the steady gaze of your chestnut eyes. 

The soft curl of you by my side in the mornings

Toenails on the stairs, then the whump of your landing on the bed.




Six years, six months and twenty-two days were not enough by half.

But I got what I got. Cancer made the call.

My house is empty and I am gutted

Barely quelling the rising howl each time I look

and find you gone.





Curtis started coughing around Thanksgiving 2024. His guts had been a mess for a few years by then, and no fancy food or probiotic could touch it. On July 2, a nasty-looking chest X-ray sent us to MedVet Columbus,  where he was diagnosed with advanced lung cancer. Rare in dogs, and untreatable, they said. 
Oh, I said. So this is how it ends. So soon. 

We recalibrated our hopes, begged the cosmos for time to get us through Phoebe and Óscar's wedding on July 26. We told no one, kept working like mules through our grief to build the happiest day of their lives. If that sounds backward and hard, well, it was. God knows, there is enough sorrow in this world, and we wanted our guests to see and greet him as well and whole. So we held it all in. For them, and for him. That boy hung in there, wore a laurel collar, and, as the only man in my life, walked me down the aisle. 

Then, the slow fade, the growing grief, the knowing, and the end. If wildlife rehabilitation has taught me anything, it's knowing when an animal is finished. 

September 12, 2025 Photo by Shila Wilson.


My friend Mike came and hand-dug a grave by the mistflower at the end of the orchard, where he loved to sit and look into the woods, where he'd stop, look back at me, and pose, knowing how magnificent he was. A dog should know he is magnificent, and loved beyond measure. He was, and he is, forever.


Curtis Loew

December 1, 2015-September 12, 2025



Hoopla, Coming Up! But First, We Must Renovate!

Saturday, September 6, 2025

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Yep, I'm blogging again, having taken a "break" since April (What is it now, September 6?) As you'll see, it was hardly a break. I'm blogging not because I think the world ought to care what paint colors I chose for a renovation, but because I think that when you've worked hard, you should reflect on it and celebrate it. And when you and your beloveds have gone through an enormous life passage, writing about it and documenting it is a good thing to do all around. So much happens that we forget, and I love having a written and pictorial record of so many life passages here on this blog. If you enjoy reading it, that's great! If it inspires you to make some changes for yourself, so much the better!

This July, Indigo Hill was host to a wedding celebration for Phoebe and Óscar, who had a bare-bones, unwitnessed courthouse wedding in Indiana in January 2024, just a few weeks after he came to America for good. It was a requirement of the "fiancé visa" that they be wed within 90 days of his arrival from Spain. I didn't even have time to get out there to witness it; they just marched themselves right in and did the deed. Afterward, they went out for doughnuts. Delicious doughnuts, but still. 

We all thought there should be a little more hoopla than that...



We planned it around the flowers. Phoebe and I walked the meadows and watched, and it became clear to us over the last few years that the very end of July was peak for the wild bergamot, the woodland sunflowers, the purple coneflower. These would be the stalwarts, the backbone of our celebration. 


In so many ways, it was always about the flowers. It was about the outdoors and what the skies were doing; about living on this land. So we tried to ascertain when the moment of peak beauty might be. June as a wedding month has been done. So has May. We wanted it to be in our time, in July, the month when we both were born, when the insect music swells, and all the late flowers are having a riotous party in the wildflower meadow. When the butterflies are dancing, and all nature is celebrating anyway. We knew we’d be at the mercy of the weather; one always is when planning an outdoor event. But we couldn’t imagine anything for the ceremony but being outdoors, where we're happiest.



And so in April 2024, I began mowing what we came to call the wedding grounds. And I began weeding and mulching all the gardens around the house with a bit more than my usual tenacity. I figured if I kept up with it, I wouldn’t have a horrendous push of clearing and weeding at the end. And that proved to be the case. Just a topoff weed and water, some fresh mulch and a couple of final mows and I was good to go. If I’m good at anything, it’s maintenance. Faithful to the task, no matter how long it takes, and how many times it has to be repeated. I just keep going, and I enjoy keeping going.


But I'm getting ahead of myself, and that's bad when you are a linear thinker like me. Because preparations for this wedding had started in December 2023, when I started purging my belongings for the renovation. Not that the house needed it, much. Oh Lord, did it need it.

The preparation all started in earnest on February 14,  2024, when I had all the floors redone and the walls painted. I was a full part of the two-man crew (Walt and Hero), here putting my fan together,


who swept through my house, making it beautiful. 


My bigass new fan-that-looks-like-a-windmill is one of my favorite things in the whole house. It takes me to the prairie and makes a wonderful breeze! 

These two West Virginians sure know what they're doing, and I'd hire them again in a heartbeat. It was a surprise to me how hard I had to work to clear the decks for them to do their work. Like, I popped out of bed when I heard their trucks pull in before daylight, and when they finally left in the afternoon, I was a limp, wet rag, done in. I was also the gopher for anything they needed from town, and many days I'd have to run in with a list and go into Lowe's Hell to try to find things I had never even heard of. That was hard. 

Redoing the paint and all the flooring was like having to pack up and move, without going anywhere. Because we were replacing all the floors, we had to clear all the furniture out of each room, and find places to put it while the flooring went down. 

 Kitchen hell, full of foyer stuff while the yellow

foyer's being painted. A torn-up kitchen is always the worst, right? Because even though everything is torn to pieces, you still have to eat. When you're a half-hour from town, you don't just pop out to dinner. You deal with it. Thank goodness we weren't doing a full kitchen renovation, just paint and floors. The hard maple cabinets dating to 1999 aren't going anywhere, though I could sure use new countertops and sink. But I'll think about that later.



 In the living room, my giant built-in wall of natural history books had to be weeded through so I could empty the shelves so they could be painted Northwoods Brown. UGH!! Awwwful job. I did that in the six weeks before the renovation began. This is just half of them.




The ones I wanted went in boxes in the basement for later, and the ones I didn’t also went in boxes, to be donated to Gorman Nature Center in Mansfield, Ohio, for distribution to biologists and field naturalists around the state, via free tables at conventions. That was deeply satisfying to me, and I thank Dave McShaffrey of Marietta College, biology prof and fine human, and Gorman Nature Center director Jason Larson for making my dream a reality, 567 volumes over. How did I have 567 books to give away? Well, every time a book came in for review at Bird Watcher’s Digest, Bill, who never got rid of anything, brought it home. It was my job to find a place for it, and I had long since run out of space upstairs and started putting them in the basement. Please, make it stop! But he never stopped bringing books home. He just couldn’t say no to them. It took me a long time to go through all those books, and it was painful both emotionally and physically, but they were heavy and the great groaning shelves of them were unsightly and there was no reason to keep them all. 

And that's why we don't do regular book reviews in BWD Magazine. Because we all work remotely, with a tiny staff, and there is no depository (namely, my house!) for all the books that would flood in if we did. Logistics rule, always. 

Here's the after effect. Thoroughly weeded, space opened up (that has since been filled again). 



My bookshelves are still full, never fear, but they look ever so much better, painted and orderly with a few nice knickknacks scattered through them.

When the living room lighting was out and the carpet was torn up...man. That was rough.  And we started on Valentine's Day, so it wasn't very nice outdoors. But it had to be done. If not now, when? 


Here's the before of the living room. It was green, and the walls and ceiling were thoroughly smoked from weeks of power outages when all we had was the fireplace to keep warm. Real tired carpet on the floor, that had been through two kids and a dog (though the Bacon never, ever peed on rugs!) and huge creamy coffee mugs being spilled on it again and again. 


And here's the After. I went with all luxury vinyl plank flooring. I chose a Benjamin Moore color called Elkhorn for the walls, and Northwoods Brown for the beams. I wanted to work with the colors of the fireplace and make it feel cozy and denlike. I'm really happy with how it turned out. 





Before the renovation, I never sat in the living room. I was either in the studio working, cooking in the kitchen, or I was in bed. The living room belonged to the kids and the TV. But after? Yeah. I actually sit in that leather recliner from time to time, and sometimes I nap on that nice leather couch!


See that giant white chair under the bird plates? I bought it for Curtis. And he refused to get up on it, using the couch instead. So I covered his end of the couch with a furry slipcover and he loved it. And, Lordy be! I sat in the giant white chair instead, and I loved that. I had a reading nook for the first time since I left Virginia! I had SO much fun hanging all my bird paintings on the walls. Finally, they had a place to rest, and I think they look awesome. The whole place is a gallery. Better on the walls than in boxes in the basement! 


And then about a month ago Curtis decided he'd take over that chair that I bought for him. And it being white, it needed a cover, and he is in it ALL THE TIME and that, my friends, is that. I can't complain. I got it for $74 at Valu City Furniture, and it was meant to be his all along. It's the most deluxe dog bed any dog ever had.


The living room brings me joy every time I walk into it. Still.


The old kitchen accent color was Cantaloupe. I was sooo sick of Cantaloupe. I don't even like cantaloupe.


For the renovation, I chose an accent color called Lush, which is a gorgeous deep green that just seems to make the poplar wood trim sing. 
And of course the plants look great against it. 


The front door got a new coat of vibrant blue paint as well. Color is the thing. After decades in a tentatively-painted, mostly whitish interior, I'm a bit Iris Apfel about color. Not apologizing! The barn-red siding with the blue roof works for me, and I'm just moving some color indoors now.


Using Lush on all the accent walls really pulled the house together.


I used it in the studio, too, and it didn't cut the light all that much, which had been my rationale for keeping the studio white for 25 years. Dang it!
I needed some color in there, too! and I absolutely love it. It brings out the warm oranges and browns of my favorite wood colors.


Antique oaken flat file from Cranston Real Estate in Marietta. Purchased for $350, and priceless to me.
Crammed with original art. (I sorted and purged that, too, during the renovation. What a JOB.


I'd had this (photo) slide cabinet for 40 years. Slides. Remember those?  During the renovation, I finally boxed up the slides in labeled boxes, tore out the dividers, and spray- painted that sucker with baby-chick yellow enamel. I can't tell you  how much fun it was to figure out where all my pens and mechanical pencils and envelopes and drafting tools and paintbrushes would go; my boxcutters and external hard drives and bluebird field notebooks; my flash drives. paper clips. binder clips, and pencil leads...get you one of these old slide cabinets and go to town! As long as the drawers are labeled you're going to be able to lay hands on anything you desire. Talk about a clutter-killer and mood-booster!




I wanted a studio that would make me want to write and create wonderful things. And I wanted flooring that matched Curtis' brindle. Got both those things. Next it'll be time to create wonderful things. But first, there was the wedding to prepare for.


Well, this is an elephantine post, but I had to start somewhere. I'm going in a line with this, because it's a mighty big thing to try to throw a lasso around.

I got the sweetest email from a reader the other day, trying not to be obtrusive but just checking in to see if I was still alive, I guess, and to tell me she missed the blog. I thanked her and replied that I was working on a new series of posts and the reason(S) for my protracted absence would soon be revealed. 

 I hope you enjoy it. It's nice to be back.








Curtis and the Ghost Bone

Sunday, January 12, 2025

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Writing on January 12, the Ghost Bone has shrunk from over 9" to just 4" long. Curtis has been happily chewing it whenever he's hongry and it's not mealtime yet, or whenever I have house guests or a phone conversation and he wants to be part of it. But it wasn't always so...

 Curtis got the nickname Krampus at Christmas 2023 because he absolutely insisted on opening every gift before its recipient could have it. It was adorable, but it made the unwrapping process take hours upon hours. He is a very slow, nitpicky gift opener, tearing tiny shreds of paper away, savoring the process. 

So this Christmas I got him several alluring chewy treats (they have to be real; no toys or Nylabones for this primitive dog) and he spent almost the entire gift opening session finishing one small bully stick. Great! Krampus was occupied. In the center of everything, happy, but occupied. Surrounded by tiny shreds of giftwrap. And we were no longer his present prisoners.


 When he was done with that he started spelunking among the gifts and he found a huge collagen roll (who knows what that is--connective tissue, probably, but not rawhide, which is bad for him--and started in working on it. Perfect! 

He chewed on the bully stick and then the big collagen roll for so long I knew his jaws must be aching so after everything was cleaned up I took the big toy from him and put it high on the mantel overhead where there was no possibility he could reach it. I told him just to ask a human if he wanted it back, and we went about our merry business, me preparing a meal of prime rib, Hasselback potatoes, green beans and salad. The kids spent some time going through their loot and trying things on. 

You can see where I put the collagen roll in this sweet picture of Liam and Ayla. It's that foot-long tan-colored thing. Near the edge, but by no means hanging over it. There it would stay until the next sunny day, when I could let him out to chew it on the lawn.


Everybody gorged on the prime rib and sides, which miraculously got done by about 1 pm, and they'd all taken off for their next destinations by 2 pm. 

Curtis and I absolutely collapsed. It had been such a sweet but intense Christmas, and now it was over, just like that. 


I went downstairs to bed by 9 pm, leaving Curtis on his favorite couch. I was deep in a beautiful dream--it must have been about 1 AM--when Curtis whined at my door. I very reluctantly struggled up out of the dream, with no idea why Curtis chose to wake me. Was his stomach upset? I let him in, but instead of jumping up onto the bed, he circled the room a couple of times then stood looking out the greenhouse door. I could see him there, in the moonlight. What in the world? 

I shone my iPhone flashlight on him and there he stood, the giant collagen roll sticking straight out of his mouth like a huge cigar. He had brought it downstairs to show me. I will tell you that this is absolutely atypical of him. He is not a dog who meets you at the door, carrying a toy. Nor does he carry them from room to room. He just doesn't carry stuff around. Probably because he has no lower incisors and is missing a top right canine (thanks to no vet care in his first four years, and his penchant for pulling roots when he's digging) And yet here he was, in the screaming middle of the night, wanting me to see that he had this coveted bone.

But how had he gotten ahold of it? How indeed? That chew toy was a good 6 1/2 feet above the floor. There was absolutely no way he could have jumped up to reach it. 

In the  morning, I texted the kids to ask if anyone had taken it down for him. No, they hadn't. And a photo I took of the Christmas tree--you can see the time stamp of Wednesday, 4:05 pm--two hours after everyone left--shows it still firmly in place on the mantel. Inaccessible. I certainly hadn't given it to him, or touched it at all, before going to bed.


My mind turned in circles there in the dark as Curtis settled in to sleep. Needless to say, between his snoring, hogging the bed, and cutting bully stick farts, and my brain racing around wondering what the hell had just happened, I didn't get much more sleep that Boxing Day morning.

How did he get ahold of that roll? I decided it could only have been Bill's doing.
He loved Christmas morning. I'm sure he was in that room with us, and it seems he hung around into the  night, maybe sitting on the couch with Curtis, looking at the Christmas tree.

I texted the kids to ask how they thought Curtis got ahold of it. 

Liam: "Maybe Dad flew by and knocked it over?"

Phoebe: "I am sure Daddy knocked it down and scared him. I remember thinking it was funny when you told Curt to just ask one of us when he wanted to get it down. He must have sent a message at some point and since none of us answered, Daddy did."

Short of an earthquake (which didn't happen) or a rat (which we don't have, and it's too big and heavy to be moved by a mouse), I cannot come up with anything other than telekinesis that could have made that toy fall from its secure position on the mantel. I mean, look at it! 6.25 oz. it weighs. And it's square sided. It wouldn't have rolled.

Telekinesis seems about Bill's style, and the middle of the night was always when he came alive. 




I remember once when I told Bill that Chet Baker was sitting there staring at me, sending me pictures of a treat. I don't remember what treat it was, just that I got the message (and picture) loud and clear, and got up to give him what he'd asked for.

Bill scoffed, as men often feel they must. The unexplainable scared him, I guess.

(Until he became the unexplainable, and now he enjoys messing with the ones he left behind.)


 I shrugged. "You just wait 'til he sends you a picture." I should have said, "You just wait 
'til you're open to his mind pictures." Because animals are always sending them. 
It's our reception that's bad.

It wasn't many days later that Bill came up off the living room couch, saying, "That dog just sent me a picture of a little bowl of ice cream!"

I smiled. "Oh, so you got his message? Well, get him a little bowl of ice cream*!"
*(teebo icekeem)




I dragged myself out of bed on Boxing Day and gave the roll to Curtis in the morning. He really, really wanted to take it outside. I knew better than to let him, but who could say no to this soulful, dome-skulled boy, his tail waving hopefully?


First he carried it to the place where he chews and piles his bones, in the middle of the yard. And the next time I looked out it was gone, and Curtis with it.

I stood and listened hard for the jingle of his collar bell. And there it was, tinkling on the edge of the woods. Curtis had shoved the bone up under a fallen tree and packed lots of soil around it. He was about to cover all that with leaves when I swooped in and rescued the bone from certain death by mold.





He'd really packed that soil with his nose and paws! But I clawed it out from under the log.


Good job, Curtis! But we're taking this back indoors. We'll give it a wash.


Am I going to have to ask Daddy for it again? 




I reckon so, Curtis Loew. You and your ghost bone.


Liam is 25!

Friday, November 8, 2024

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 My dear boy, 

  I never realized how having a birthday that falls on or around Election Day would factor into your life; all I remember was a rush of passion one February afternoon in 1999, and it gets blurry after that. Thus did biology deliver into my arms a nearly spherical baby boy who grew into a lanky wonder.






I miss you. But I always enjoy throwing together these birthday blogposts that celebrate you and the increasingly rare times we get to be together.  I'm so, so happy you're on your own path in Columbus, and that you've found a place where you're appreciated for the wonder you are, and can share a space with like-minded creatives and kind people. 

It's always such fun to see you in situ at Trader Joe's. Your coworker's heads all swivel, they smile knowingly as Mama Zick enters the store, tracking her boy.


You show me a beer made with (Trader Joe's oreo knockoff) JoJo's. Wut? And one called Mad Elf, a spicy Christmas brew that has 11% alcohol content, but "tastes like stinkbugs."


We start laughing and we don't stop.  I think one of my favorite things is to take you and Ayla out for a nice meal. 


All the better if Oscar and Phoebe are along, too! Addis Ethiopian Restaurant, North Columbus.



I love to go windowshopping with you, too. We mostly love to look at things we can't afford. 
Remember the 300 pound coffee table at Crate and Barrel?
This is how we know we're living in a gilded age. First, who could afford a 300 pound STONE coffee table? How much does it cost to ship? How many people does it take to carry it into your living room? Better decide where you want them to put it... FOREVER... because you're not gonna lift that thing EVER again. Much less dust under it. Or move it to wash the Ruggable. Sheesh. The impracticality of it all is overwhelming.


I love the little glimpses into your life that your too-sparse postings on Instagram afford me.  That's a really good whateverosaurus impersonation you're doing there, son! Look out! It's right BE-
HIIIND YOU!


LOOKIT THAT BOY!! That looks like a shirt your dad might have picked out, or worn. 


I'm just so thrilled you're having fun and exploring your new surroundings all the time. That you get to be around people your age (impossible back home; everyone has fled this town!) 
But no matter how far you roam, remember I am the little puff of ...wind...beneath your wings!
(they're set a bit low, I think).


I sure love seeing you in your new life with Ayla. What mother wouldn't be over the moon to see a photo like this one from June? Ah, you lucky kids. And you there, wearing my Dear Old Dad's pale blue eyes. He'd get such a kick out of you. He'd try to figure you out by interviewing you, then teasing you. Good luck, DOD.


You're getting Shaggier and Shaggier, and I love it! If you've got thick golden hair, rock it, son!!


I think I love this jazz club photo of you two best. I'm just happy that you live in a place that even HAS jazz clubs. I always knew, from the time you were a little boy and you got so excited when you smelled  
the "sweet French Fry air of town" 
that you'd find your place in a city. 


I can't wait to see you two for Thanksgiving. Your family awaits!



Happy birthday, darling Liam. I love you six hundred six sixty six!

Oh! and Someone has been waiting to say Happy Birfday to you!

                                                              It's Curtis. He's so patient. 


                                                                           OK go, Curtis. 


HADDY HADDY BIRFDAY WIAM!!


Wook! He miling!!

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